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Reflection

I joined this fight with a different mindset, a different goal in mind. My sole goal was to 'organize the organizers' after noticing that events in Delaware are super small because nobody knows they're even happening. I've been twisted and pulled and manipulated into every direction but the one I set out to head in. I have started regaining a little control of my own body and life, but I still have this burning feeling inside that I'm not doing enough. As a white woman, I know I was born with a privilege many were not, and if I don't use my inherent privilege to help those oppressed I am no better than those doing the oppressing! Right? But man it has not been easy trying to join arms in this fight. I have been called every name you can think of, had my motives and intentions questioned at every turn, been beaten, received a ridiculous amount of threats towards me, my family and most disturbingly, my children! And I've been treated like shit by the ones I've tried standing along side of to fight with as well! I've also been called a follower. Let's make this real clear, if you see a white woman trying to LEAD anything in this fight, she's NOT fighting WITH you!! This is not our fight, but it is 100% our responsibility to stand ALONG SIDE those who are fighting and offer ourselves to you however needed! Now, to call me a follower insinuating that I have no original ideas or thoughts, understand, this LEOBOR conversation was NOT happening until I started running my mouth. This can be tracked, pretty easily too (the internet is amazing). The conversation around Body Camera legislation being a fluff bill, came from here. And believe me, this list goes on and on and on. I'm not normally one to stand on a mountain top screaming look at me, and I'm not looking for anyone's approval or validation, but you're not going to take away what I have contributed either. I have worked my ass off, stayed up till the sun's come up too many times to count, lost teeth, driven my car into the dirt and so much more, just to constantly being hearing about how shitty of a person I am. Or how I do nothing. Or whatever else. This is not the way to treat people, any people!! But especially not people that just want to help. I'll still be writing, but I'm falling back from all community related anything. I've been putting my actual, whole, legit LIFE on the line and at the end of the day I'm just a gossipers favorite topic.

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